AT THE CRACK OF DAWN…

Someone asked me if I was going to do hula for a long time. My answer was “I dunno”. Hubby and I made a pact that if our personal activities (my hula, his softball, my blogging, his internet-surfing, etc) “get in the nerves” of our relationship or family life schedule-wise, it will be time to toss it down to the bottom of our list. It isn’t the point of my “I dunno” though.  I dunno.  Things can change. Maybe one day I won’t like it anymore. Or I can’t physically do it. Or my halau for some reason packs up. I dunno. I studied the old 60-ish lady kaholo-ing beside me last night. Who knows, maybe I’ll even do it forever. I know at this point that I want to. But I dunno...

My life has been a list of finished projects and the un.  Went to school, played the piano, finished college, got great jobs, did all that. I excelled at my work, but left some. I took masteral studies but aborted right before thesis writing (got whisked off by love *regretful* – just a wee bit).  So yeah, I have my share of unfinished business here and there. But looking back, the remorse is little.  And I refuse to say that I have the heart of a loser.  As an ordinary (not completely unskilled or ignorant) person loving life, I try to live it to the fullest by exploring different things if not necessarily seeing the end in some. Bad.  Bad???

Never leave stuff half-baked in most of life’s endeavors. That’s ideal. But I believe that when we can’t help it, it’s okay to stop at some point when we know we’ve gotten what we wanted or needed, or that we’ve given enough. The picture always changes. The situation shifts, or we do.  It’s rather too personal a journey which social norms can’t dictate. Just because one studied to be a lawyer doesn’t mean he should be punished if he chooses to be a circus performer later on in his life. It is all about following one’s heart’s desires—WHEN YOU CAN AFFORD TO. Our lives consist of hits and misses.  Come to think of it, misses pave the way for searching new opportunities that end up giving us joy –-even the teeny tiniest ones are classified under the “Successes” column. So for whatever it has been, forgive yourself and move on to the next. There is a multitude of options waiting to be tapped.

When my youngest sister was little, she said “This year I’m doing ballet, next year Tae Kwon Do…15 years from now I’ll be an archaeologist, 20 years…I’ll travel the world…” Being the oldest one raised in a strict and structured environment, my little sister taught me how to think outside the box. Don’t get me wrong, I had a beautiful, pleasant, wholesome and peaceful childhood…though I must say, sheltered and a bit single-tracked, experience-wise.  Hmmm, did my little sister actually set me free?

         Now, my life is full of experimenting forward, and analyzing backward. Without losing the balance of course. Planning and foresight are necessary too. I’m aware of the things I want to do but still uncertain of the order and I’m looking forward to discovering more. I play it by ear depending on the circumstances on my plate. Now I’m focusing on my role as a “workin’ hula-hottie-chefy-wifey hoping to be a mommy someday soon”. You know what, when I’m 80, I’ll finally realize what I have always wanted to do on the side “when I grow up” by looking back and picking my favorites.  For now, I’ll keep doing, being, and living. Maybe hula today—let me do that one show and I’ll be content (maybe), Arnis/stickfighting tomorrow (still want to go back to it when my wrist gets better), learn French (even after almost 6 months of audio tape all I can say today is “Bonjour”!!!), and yes, my own art exhibit. Even watching the sunset from different places has a spot in my goal list!  Professionally, I’m done being a Sales Manager, a psychologist-in-training, a teacher. But personally, I’m still all of those—will always be. I want to be a licensed therapist/counselor/life coach one day. Or something close to it, like finally publish that book. (Hey am I not starting now?)

My grandmother always said “A rolling stone gathers no moss”. At some point, you realize this may hold significance, but not always. It doesn’t make me jack of all trades master of none. My experiences will only make me multi-talented (and fulfilled). My cousin tells his teenage son “I don’t care what you plan to do, as long as you don’t stop doing something.” In other words…LIVE.

        I might neither be a genius nor a gifted child but when I grow up…uhrm, I mean, get older, I’ll be a master of LIFE, the best school in the world. I will not change this picture.